Jet Set Go

In this post, I share my personal experience so that valued readers considering similar decisions may pick up at least some learning points.

I made the huge decision to leave Singapore, my original home country where I was born, raised, educated, and had earned a decent living. It was prompted by my exasperation with situations that I was in that led to my strong desire to make a fresh start. I will not go into detail about those situations as it was complicated and not what this blog is meant to share, but despite all that hardship, it was not a decision made compulsively out of desperation. I was already holding a middle management position in a school I was assigned to and the job provided me with such a stable and comfortable income that leaving it was indeed a difficult decision to make. The thought of being far away from my family, friends, and loved ones to start again from scratch all on my own within unfamiliar culture and surroundings also made the decision such a bitter pill to swallow.

Factors I Considered :

1. In which country would I be able to fit in and leverage my qualifications and work experience, at least to a certain extent, to earn a living?
2. In which country could I enjoy a standard of living that is at least of similar level to my original home country so that I would not feel like running back home after a short stay?
3. How could I make trustworthy and dependable friends quickly so that I would not feel alone and miserable?
4. What should I do to ensure my adult children, my mother, and my extended family would not be sad, worried, and inconvenienced in any way by my departure?

I spent a few years deliberating on my decision. I set my sights on developed
countries, specifically those in Europe. I pictured myself settling in picturesque cities in Italy or the Netherlands but I knew I had to learn the local languages to do so.

My Relocation Plan :

1. Use social media and online platforms to make friends abroad and through them, learn about life in their countries and get a sense of how I might earn a living and fit in.
2. Visit the countries that I felt good about and where I could already establish a strong enough connection with the friends I made online.
3. Obtain credible information on relocation or long-stay visa options for shortlisted countries and analyze my eligibility.
4. At the same time, gradually work on settling my financial commitments and family responsibilities so that no one, including myself, would be burdened by my departure.

The few years of preparations were an absolute necessity because I was resolute in my decision to start a new life and was determined not to fail and end up returning to my country of origin. I had no doubt that if you fail to plan, you would be planning to fail. I avoided engaging professional agencies or immigration lawyers as I knew it would be costly and I preferred to have my financial resources focused on paying off my mortgage and all outstanding loans, including my sons’ study loans and ongoing expenditures. Just as important for me was to set aside enough money for my relocation expenses.

My plan was NOT without risks, especially where making online friends was concerned. I had to deal with a few scammers despite the efforts I put in to sieve them out at the onset.

Lessons in Establishing Online Friendship :

1. Do not trust those who use beautiful poetic language to try to sweep you off your feet.
2. Do not trust those who claim to be rich and highly successful (real ones do not usually resort to making friends online).
3. Avoid those who avoid video calls.
4. Immediately cut off all contacts with those who start telling you that they are in a desperate situation and urgently need your financial help, or start offering you opportunities for financial gain by sending them money. Those who start acting this way are usually those who have already established a close relationship with you online and believe that they have already earned your trust.

Although I was able to establish trustworthy enough online friendships with one person in Italy and one in the Netherlands, my acquired knowledge of them and the everyday life in the cities where they lived did not give me enough assurance that I could at least survive in those places although I was well aware that those friends and their experiences were in no way representative of the people and the ways of life in the whole of the two countries. Even if I made the effort to quickly learn Italian and/or Dutch, as an immigrant, I would need to have a lot more to offer because my BA in Education and my work experience would not get me far at all in those countries. I visited a few cities in Italy and just Amsterdam in the Netherlands and found them to be magnificent and stunning although, as with all countries and cities, there were quite a few aspects that I would need to accept and be ready to get used to if I were to decide to live there.

In the meantime, I was getting gradually closer to an online friend who lived in Las Vegas, Nevada in the United States. We did not start out getting along very well due to differences in opinion on quite a few matters, and the United States (like most of the other mainly English-speaking countries) somehow did not appeal to me much at first although I knew that as someone who grew up speaking English, it would be a lot easier for me to decide to move there. Over a few years, we somehow grew closer online until I knew that I had fallen in love with him and finally decided to visit Las Vegas to meet with him and to check out at least a part of the United States. I enjoyed personal tours of residential areas and local recreational facilities such as tennis clubs and nature trails in Las Vegas and felt that I could see myself living in the city. Las Vegas is more than just glamorous shows and casinos after all. The Grand Canyon in Arizona stole my heart while I was there too.

I then knew for certain that the person I fell in love with was for real and that he was a good man. He lived an ordinary life. He was not rich and never pretended to be. That was perfect for me because I have always believed that unless I come from a rich family myself, marrying a rich person or into a rich family spells disaster. Living a comfortable ordinary life in another country was all I was aiming for. It was important for me that I could earn my own living and remain independent even if my relocation involved marriage and living with a partner.

We got married about two years later. During those two years, I spent significant time researching options for me to try out living long-term in the United States before deciding for certain that I would make the right choice of leaving my country, my family and friends, and my stable job to live with the man I love there. I came across a wealth of information that edged me on in my endeavor.

Available Supportive Conditions :

1. There were provisions for me to go on Professional Development Leave (PDL) from my job for specific periods on full-pay, no-pay, half-pay, or no-pay programs. I would have to serve a period of service bond upon the completion of the PDL based on the program that I was successfully approved for.
2. There was a university in Las Vegas, Nevada that offered a Master of Education program aligned to my profession that was not available in Singapore and for which I might get approved to pursue under the PDL program.
3. The university offered Graduate Assistantship programs where graduate students might work for the institute in exchange for fully paid tuition fees, partially paid health insurance, and monthly stipends.
4. The large flat/apartment within a desirable area that I owned with a mortgage had acquired enough value/equity for me to sell and make enough profit to buy in cash a smaller but comfortable enough flat/apartment in another area for my sons to live in until they were ready to move out, for me to pay off outstanding loans, provide my sons with the funds they need to finish their undergraduate studies, and had enough still left over for my relocation expenses.
5. In the United States, there were already cellphone plans that included free international calls, including to Singapore (apps like WhatsApp became available shortly after) for me to reach out to my family at any time.

I was successful in leveraging the above conditions and, after convincing my mother that my then fiance was not a scammer but a good responsible man, I married him with ceremonies both in the United States and Singapore. I experienced living, studying, and working in Las Vegas, Nevada for 18 months before returning to serve my service bond.

In my next post, I will share on what were the eligibility requirements for me to study and work in the United States that I fulfilled, the supportive experience I enjoyed that edged me on to return and stay for good, and the challenges I faced and overcame.